


The Jedi is a Lie

by mrv3000



Series: Jedi Adoption for Dummies [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Chapter 14: The Tragedy, Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Force Ghost Obi-Wan Kenobi, Force Ghost Shenanigans (Star Wars), Force Ghost(s), Gen, Humor, a lighthearted take on the episode, afterlife partners who just want din to be a dad, but are kind of bad at accomplishing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:27:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27941498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrv3000/pseuds/mrv3000
Summary: The Mandalorian was unsurprisingly blasted back by the Force energy.Anakin tilted his head. “Wanna bet on how many times he does that?”“Hmm. Three.”“No way. At least five.”*The continuing adventures of some Force ghosts who just want Din to be a dad. Too bad they’re going about it in the worst way possible.
Series: Jedi Adoption for Dummies [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043085
Comments: 21
Kudos: 253





	The Jedi is a Lie

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place during the events of Chapter 14: The Tragedy. A lighthearted and cracky look at two Force ghosts just trying to get a youngling adopted. (Continues on from Your Jedi is in Another Castle.)

Anakin stared at the rounded stone on the mountain top, hands on his hips. "Look, it's not my fault that Ezra isn’t here."

Obi-Wan raised a single eyebrow. "Somehow I feel that the slowly dawning horror on his face after you said you were Anakin Skywalker, and then yelling, and I quote, "KRIFF ME, YOU'RE DARTH VADER" _might_ have something to do with you."

Anakin let out a “hmph.”

"And then throwing up every mental shield he had while using Force-enhanced speed to sprint onto his ship, barely breaking atmosphere on that jungle planet before jumping into hyperspace, also _might_ be related to past interactions where you tried to kill him."

“Fine, _maybe_ ,” Anakin admitted with a sigh. “So I guess now we have to haul out our backup plan."

"We don't have a backup plan. I'd be shocked if you've ever had a backup plan that wasn’t made up in the moment in your life."

"Sounds like selective memory, Obi-Wan."

"Says the _king_ of selective memory, Anakin."

Obi-Wan was no stranger to failed plans (a voice in his head that sounded a lot like Commander Cody supplied the phrase “cock ups”), but they seemed slightly more disconcerting in his current state. Now the Mandalorian would have made this trip for nothing, and there wasn’t a thing they could do about it. Nor could they even explain themselves.

The man himself wandered into the stone ring carrying Grogu, and they heard him ask, “Does this look Jedi to you?”

Anakin looked around at the rocks. “Vaguely mysterious? Check. Slightly bantha-shitty? Also check.”

Obi-Wan rolled his ghostly eyes.

The Mandalorian approached the center and carefully placed Grogu on the stone. 

"Hey Ezra!" Anakin shouted at the sky. "Now would have been a great time for a surprise-but-totally-predictable Jedi!"

Obi-Wan rubbed his forehead in spite of the fact that he no longer got headaches. It definitely _seemed_ like he should be getting a headache.

Anakin paced around the stone with the Mandalorian. "Ezra could have appeared, all billowing cape and dramatic gaze. And given a really impressive speech too! 'Din Djarin. You have been deemed Worthy by the Force. This is mainly because you're convenient and available, but you're also a pretty decent guy in spite of some really weird Mandalorian beliefs. Although let's face it, _all_ Mandalorian beliefs are weird.’” Anakin gestured towards the unaware man. “‘For example, your helmet stance is...let’s go with ‘quirky.’ Anyway, enjoy having a child, won't you?'"

Obi-Wan pulled his hand away from his head. "There's nothing for it now. I suppose Din will just take him and be on his way. Perhaps he’ll try going back to Ahsoka?”

“Like she doesn’t already think we’re idiots.” 

As the distant sound of another craft rumbled through the sky, Obi-Wan thought to himself that they definitely should have expected the unexpected. For a brief second he dared to think that some unknown Jedi had arrived, but he couldn’t sense any kind of Force signature. A distinctively-shaped ship descended into view and something pricked the back of Obi-Wan's mind. Odd. He should know this ship.

"What the hells is Fett doing here?" Anakin asked, clearly bewildered.

Obi-Wan blinked. "Ah, Boba. I'd forgotten about him."

“How could you forget your houseguest? Hovelguest? Caveguest? What exactly did you call that hole you lived in?”

“I called it perfectly serviceable. And it’s not as if I was living there, or anywhere, when he moved in.”

Grogu finally tapped into the latent Force energy in the area, which formed a beacon of sorts. One that wouldn’t be reaching anyone. Obi-Wan vaguely took note of the Mandalorian heading off in Boba Fett’s direction. He didn’t sense any kind of warning in the Force coming from the new arrival -- correction, arrivals -- so it hardly mattered where Din spent his time until Grogu wore himself out.

Anakin leaned down into the literal Force shield. "I wish we could communicate with him. It might help." He tried to pat Grogu, which had no effect since the youngling was as oblivious to them as ever.

"He's getting there, but he needs to either grow up a bit more or go through a few steps before he can hear us. There's also the possibility that we would simply frighten him."

"Nah, he's a tough kid."

Obi-Wan wasn't quite as convinced he wouldn't scare Grogu, but the point was moot anyway.

His contemplation was broken when the Mandalorian jogged back into the stone ring while yet another ship flew past the site. Din tried to force his way to Grogu, which certainly wasn’t going to end well.

“That…” Obi-Wan started to say.

“...won’t work,” Anakin finished.

The Mandalorian was unsurprisingly blasted back by the Force energy. 

Anakin tilted his head. “Wanna bet on how many times he does that?”

“Hmm. Three.”

“No way. At least five.”

But before the man could get up again, the Force rang with actual ill intent. Obi-Wan and Anakin shot each other alarmed looks and quickly moved to the edge of the rock circle to get a better view. Down in the valley the newest ship opened to unload a squad of stormtroopers. 

Anakin threw his hands up. "And now it’s a party, because apparently someone handed out flyers! That or the Mandalorian’s ship got tagged."

“Ah yes, your former minions. Skillful as ever, I see,” Obi-Wan remarked as a stormtrooper went down.

Anakin smirked.

Obi-Wan would _never_ give any kind of credit to Darth Vader, but discovering he’d been less than pleased in serving Sidious, and found practical ways to demonstrate that, warmed his heart. One of those ways had been in the “dumbing-down” of the troops. Nothing obvious, but things like a change in a regulation or two and promoting the wrong people all added up. Not that he had been a secret agent for the Rebellion or anything; Vader was just petty.

But if Obi-Wan had known that Vader was staging his own tiny mutiny (albeit a self-centered one), he might have... What? Tried to talk to him? Maybe. Qui-Gon would have encouraged him. Yoda would have dissuaded him. Hindsight told him that maybe he should have. But in the end, “what-ifs” didn’t really matter.

The past was in the past, and the present was currently filled with a napping youngling and a fight between a would-be father, two people of questionable alignment and morality, and an annoyance of stormtroopers.

“I imagine this is the work of Moff Gideon,” Obi-Wan commented.

“I still can’t believe he’s one of the top dogs now! Sure he was ISB, but he was an accountant! And the only reason I remember him was because he looked disturbingly pleased when I choked him once,” Anakin said with a shudder.

“He didn’t deserve death, I take it?”

“Eh, it was only a rounding error.”

“How magnanimous.”

A torpedo bolt tore through the sky, striking the Mandalorian’s ship and completely obliterating it.

“COME ON!” Anakin cried.

"Things do seem to be spiraling slightly out of control."

"You think?! What I wouldn't give for a body right now. With real or mechanical limbs, either would do."

Obi-Wan gave a glance to Anakin’s ghostly appendages. "Given our record, it's probably for the best we can no longer physically damage each other."

"And your body was getting old anyway."

"Not the point, Anakin."

In the next instant Anakin jerked his head up towards the sky. “Uh, not good.”

Obi-Wan followed his gaze but could only make out small shapes coming towards them.

“Really not good! Grogu? Come on, buddy.” Anakin made an attempt to grab him, but predictably failed. For a moment he looked like he would make another attempt, but then his shoulders slumped at the futility.

When the dark troopers landed with a thunk, Obi-Wan knew for certain it had all gone a bit pear-shaped. He was _sure_ he was getting a headache now. Anakin was busy yelling weasel-related insults in the general direction of Moff Gideon, and the Mandalorian was proving to be just as ineffective.

They could only watch as the troopers flew off with Grogu, although Anakin did supply some additional creative language.

"Ahsoka might have a few words to say about this," Obi-Wan said with a sigh as the troopers disappeared out of sight.

"Forget Ahsoka, Luke is going to give me his disappointed eyes! That look in them that says I've killed his tooka and destroyed everything good in his life!"

"When did you kill his tooka?"

"Seeing those eyes is going to suck," Anakin said mournfully, seemingly resigned to it.

There really was no way around it. They'd have to give an update to their quasi-Council. At least having a few more heads together meant they could come up with a new plan. An actual rescue by the New Republic couldn’t be off the table, but perhaps they shouldn’t give up on Din so quickly.

A timely dramatic rescue could not only take away any remaining doubt about the Mandalorian’s eligibility to parent one of the Jedi’s own, but it would also duracrete the relationship between father and son. Yes, that could do quite nicely.

Suddenly Anakin stiffened and appeared to pale even more than his normal ghostly hue. He grabbed Obi-Wan by his shoulders, which, through the Force, gave the impression of a good bit of pressure. "Right, whatever happens,” he said with all seriousness, “we don’t tell Leia about this."

Well, hells. On that point they definitely could agree.


End file.
